Lovemaking - Getting What You Want In Bed

Brettani Shannon

Don’t let another night go by wishing and hoping that your man would get it right. Pleasing a woman takes knowledge and understanding. More than likely, your man would give anything to rock your world, he just doesn’t know how. Teach him how to please you by following our super sexy lesson plans. No need to share your plan with him; it will be our little secret.

You are about to embark on a serious training project and like any endeavor of this sort, it requires a good plan. One thing to keep in mind throughout the process is that you are training a man, and it calls for a bit more finesse than training say, a child, a dog, or an athlete. The best way to train him is to never let on that there is anything wrong. Instead, he should believe that you are expanding the adventure of your already wonderful lovemaking. In addition, secret planning will enable you to implement one of the most useful pieces of man-training: turning the neck. You have heard the metaphor that the man may be the head of the house, but it is the woman, as the neck, that turns the head in the direction she desires.

Smart women have figured out that if you allow a man to think that he came up with his ideas all on his own, he will be much more committed to following through with them. One of the key differences between a man and a woman is his need to be appreciated as a mastermind, a fixer, and a great lover. He actually needs that confirmation to retain his pride as a man. Women don’t need the ego confirmation like a man does. They need to be cherished, adored and respected. Play your womanly hand in this game of love and greatly increase both your chances of winning.

To begin training your husband, you will need to choose which lesson you would like to start with. You don’t want to overwhelm him with too much at the same time; it is too easy to slip up and make him feel bad about himself. You might choose to work on foreplay first, or it might be what he does or doesn’t do during sex, or maybe it is the lack of adventure in your sex life that you choose to tackle first. The next step is to choose your angle. Here are a few options:

• Take a love quiz together. It will open up conversation about what things you always wanted to try, what things really turn you on, etc.
• Open up a conversation by asking him about his desires first. Ask him what he really likes, what he would like more of, and what he’s always wanted to try. The conversation should then turn to what you really like, what you want more of, and what you’ve always wanted to try.
• Go out to dinner and have a few drinks. Then, as a “spur of the moment idea,” share your sensual wish lists with each other, writing down things you both hope to experience on cocktail napkins so you can look at them again the next day.
• Tell him what you want him to do in the heat of the moment. The closer a man is to climax, the more appeasing he is, so take the opportunity when he is hot and ready to tell him something you wish he would do. Say it in a super sexy way and refrain from criticizing him in any way. Say something like, “Oh baby, you feel so good… I want you to _____.”
• Mention something you’d like to experience when the two of you are doing something totally non-sexual, taking him by surprise with your non-shalant attitude. Imagine driving home from the grocery store and mentioning out of the blue that you have been imagining what it would be like to do it on the kitchen counter or wondering what it would be like to buy a sex toy together. That leaves it in his court, and odds are that you’ll have that fantasy come true before the week is out.
• Introduce your desires and fantasies by construing a little fib, “A friend told me a story today at work. You wouldn’t believe what she tried with her husband last night…” or “I stumbled on an article about something interesting today and it made me so hot, imaging us doing it. It was all about ____” or “I had the hottest dream about you last night. You were _____.”
• Set up a role play rendezvous where you are in charge. You could be a sex instructor or dominatrix. That way, you can tell him what you want him to do and he will love the idea of being “schooled” by a hot sex master!
• Challenge him. Bring out his competitive nature with a sexy challenge. One idea, if you are sick of the hum drum five minute lay before bed, is to tell him that you will have sex with him anywhere, anytime, as long as it is not on your bed. Another idea is to make a game with him, a challenge of who can take the reigns and create the hottest sexual encounter. You each make a short list of things you want and swap lists. Include four or so things that you like that he does already and four more things that you want him to do. Don’t tell him to do the same, though. Let him put whatever he wants on his list, so he doesn’t feel like this is a project to make him better in bed, but just a fun encounter to have. Roll dice to see who gets the first night and have a blast playing out your challenge and see whose rendezvous works out best!

Whichever angle you choose, just make sure that you encourage him to lead you just as much as you lead him. He needs to feel like an equal participant in pleasing you, and after he’s trained, you won’t have to try! In addition, don’t treat every opportunity as a training exercise. Let the lessons go once in a while. The goal is to make him a better lover without damaging his self-esteem. After all, it is a well-known fact that confidence is the most important element to attraction. If you knock down his self-esteem, you won’t ever turn him into the perfect love machine.

You don’t always need an angle. Definitely shake things up a bit. Remember that you are choosing one lesson at a time and you should try different approaches often so that he doesn’t begin to feel like his manhood is being challenged. Your training will go a whole lot smoother if he just sees you as being extra adventurous, not out to change his ways. Some secrets are worth keeping…

Find sexy ways to let him know what you want from him.

• Talk to him sweetly, using your bedroom voice. Whisper what you want in his ear, but do it kindly. For example, if he is pounding you like a jack rabbit, tell him that you want to “feel him more, slowly.”
• Give him physical clues to what you would like. For example, if you want him to handle your breasts more, put them right in his face. Men can’t help but grab onto bouncing boobies.
• If you want him to alter the way he does something, try doing it to him first. It won’t take long for him to get the hint that you are giving him. If that alone doesn’t get him doing what you want, show him how you like it by guiding him. Move his hands or body and tell him, “Like this.” Telling him how you like it while it’s happening instead of criticizing afterword makes it more of an erotic experience than a “schooling.”

You need to teach your guy what you like. Encouraging him when he’s doing it right is the most effective training method. It is called positive reinforcement and it is the essence of man-training. During love-making is the perfect opportunity for it because it is the time when he is most receptive. Memorize these tips like the back of your hand and use them every chance you get through the training process and after. A man can never get enough positive reinforcement.

• Let your inhibitions go and your vocals loose. The tiniest inkling to let out a moan or tell him “yes” and you should let it out. Scream if you feel like it, men love it.
• Don’t over-reward. Make your reaction in direct ratio to the amount of pleasure he is giving you. Most of this will come naturally of course, but it doesn’t hurt to keep it in mind while you are on the mission to train.
• Tell him that you really like what he’s doing and that you want to try it in a different position, in a different room, slower, faster, or whatever you want. The key part is to reinforce that you like what he is doing already and that you want more.
• If he really knocks your socks off, let him know by returning the favor. Blow his mind by doing something you know he loves. It may sound a bit impersonal, but a man’s mind works that way sometimes. This sort of reward system, if done properly, buries in his subconscious and he will associate doing what you like with getting what he likes.

The last stage of each lesson should be feedback. Voice a reaction to your lovemaking session, but do it with finesse. Use the tips below to close each chapter of training in such a way that his ego is in tact and you are that much closer to having the best sex of your life.

• It doesn’t have to be a formal discussion. In fact, the more casual your feedback is, the more he receptive he will be. For example, you could tell him, “You know, honey, I loved it when you ____ and I was thinking that next time, we could ____” and gently tell him what it is that you want from him.
• Be open and willing to talk about your desires with him, but make sure you are inquiring about his desires just as much.
• Don’t always have suggestions. Give him a lot of encouragement by telling him how hot the sex was, how much you keep thinking about him touching you, etc. Again, don’t pretend to feel that way if you don’t, but there are surely things you could pick out of every experience to praise him for. He needs compliments just as much as you do.
• Once in a while, it’s ok to give him a little sting. If he is doing something that drives you nuts, you may have to come right out and say it. Just make sure that when you do, he feels very loved and assured before and after. You don’t want to tack a sting onto a lesson already in progress. Let things ride for a while, then break the news, and then give him a while to get over the blast before resuming your lessons.

Be patient with your lover. Take one lesson at a time and give him a chance to master it before moving onto the next one. He wants to be the ultimate lover just as much as you want him to be.